I might delete this post, as it's not really about my project, but it's my blog so I can write whatever. I think maybe if things get better it might be nice to look back on this and see how my life improved, we'll see I guess..
Being ghosted by games companies is really starting to get to me. It's really been taking a toll on my mental health lately because I just feel like I have no purpose and none of the companies want me. It's so difficult, I know a lot of people are in the same boat as me, which in one way lessens the negative thoughts towards myself, as its a problem with the industry and not specifically me, but on the other hand it means there's so much more competition and I don't really know how to stand out. It feels like just pure random luck whether someone gets a job or not at this point. I'm currently volunteering at my local charity shop just to get out of the house and have some kind of human interactions, I actually really enjoy it and I like helping people and being somewhat useful. The other staff and customers are genuinely grateful for me being there which is lovely, but obviously it doesn't pay my bills or use any of my creative skills. I think I'm very likely to continue volunteering even if I got a paid job. I have actually been looking into other avenues, seeing if I could transfer my skills into a different industry, but I always end up at "but I don't want to". It's so frustrating, games have always been my passion, I wanted to work in the games industry as a child, I studied for years and got multiple qualifications and yes I got in and I worked for a few companies, I feel like I did everything right but why did that have to end so suddenly? I just want to make cool stuff with cool people and get paid for it, but that seems almost impossible at the moment!
On the days when I'm not volunteering, its a struggle sometimes, I feel very lost. I check multiple job boards that I have saved in my bookmarks, and obsessively refresh my email just in case, I keep everything logged on a spreadsheet but the job posts are getting fewer and fewer as the days go on. Ultimately when I'm feeling completely helpless, I actually just manage to get through my days by looking into the eyes of my cat Pumpkin. She looks back at me with such love and admiration and she doesn't care about whether I have a job or not, whether AI is going to completely destroy all creative jobs, or anything about the state of the world currently, she just wants a full food bowl and a warm lap to curl up on.
I wish I could think like that sometimes, life would be a lot easier.